I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
