just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
