My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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