my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dicks are not precious.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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