I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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