you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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