You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
