Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
