So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
