I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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