my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
