apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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