pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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