At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
