are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
