mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
