drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
