If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
