Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
