I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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