I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
