Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
