Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want to make out with him forever
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
