First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
