Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
