He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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