I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
