Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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