I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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