Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
