why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
