chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
