Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
