Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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