The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
