I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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