we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
