my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
