Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
