I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
