it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
