On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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