It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
