u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
