So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
