So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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