We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
