Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
