i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
