why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
