I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I will be naked everywhere
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
