your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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